It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
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I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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