K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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