My nipple is on Facebook.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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