Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
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i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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