I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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