And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
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six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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