Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
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I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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