so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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