You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she peed on how many people?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
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sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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