the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize