I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
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My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
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