one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
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