the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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