1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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