I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
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A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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