everyone is single if you try hard enough
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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