There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize