I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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