if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
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things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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