Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
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I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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