I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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