help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
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For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
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i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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