You work out of a Hotel?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I touched a dick in church today
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize