a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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