this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize