after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
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hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
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So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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