She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
third nipple confirmed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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