Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize