did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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