would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
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During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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