he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize