watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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