I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
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Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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