Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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