He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize