The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize