Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize