i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize