Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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