he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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