just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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