My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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