dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
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I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
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You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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