your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
did i walk over a car last night?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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