WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
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We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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