When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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