I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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