The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
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Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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