Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just gift wrapped bread.
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We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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