I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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